A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
