guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
