Don't make out with my wife yet
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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