she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
