She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
