i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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