if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
