Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
