I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
