i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
