So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Never underestimate the power of titties
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
