Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
