trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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