dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
