Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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