I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
