What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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