If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
