your parents love me but you hate me
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
