I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
