That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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