By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think a kid would responsible me up
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
