So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
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the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
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Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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