I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
