im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
