I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
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