we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
