I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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