is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
