I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
