I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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