I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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