i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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