that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
