I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
