I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
