I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
