Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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