So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
