Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
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For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
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I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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