theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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