I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
