so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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