Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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