No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
