I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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