Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
