I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
