honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
