If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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