it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
