I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
