I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Randomize
