having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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