Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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