Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
