If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
