and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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