I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She told me I should be a condom model.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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