Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
