id be glad to
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
