the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
