I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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