i love accidental penises.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
