Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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